The Mystery of the PNP Scourge (The Painful Nipple Phenomenon)

Sometime in January, around the time after the PSE Bull Run, I felt some pain in my nipples.  It wasn’t the kind of pain that bothered me enough to start writing to Wish Ko Lang but it was a bit disturbing because I didn’t know what caused it.  I haven’t been breastfeeding lately so that’s out of the question.  It went away after a couple of days so I left it at that.

The mystery of the painful nipple (which rhymes nicely by the way) manifested itself again and with a vengeance, after the DZMM Takbo Para sa Kalikasan.  It was more painful than the first and I started to worry.  Aside from calling Wish Ko Lang (“Wish ko po Sana na Tumama sa Lotto”), I started writing my last will (I leave my running shoes to my friend, Jojo. He doesn’t run but he believes in ghosts.  Just thinking of how he will spend his nights looking at my shoes would be a blast).  But being the genius that I am, I didn’t make the connection between the runs and the painful nipple.  As before,’ twas gone after a couple of days.  It’s a good thing I didn’t give my real name to Wish Ko Lang; and I still have my running shoes.

After a very deep study of the chronology of events, chemical and DNA analysis of the singlets I used, and watching BFF starring Sharon Cuneta and Ai-Ai de las Alas, I finally had a breakthrough on the mysterious PNP based on the following facts:

1. I have two nipples
2. My nipples hurt a.k.a. painful nipple phenomenon
3. It has happened on two occasions – January and March
4. It’s bad to comment about Sharon Cuneta’s weight when you’re in a cinema full of screaming Sharonians

Actually, I only made the connection when runningninja commented on it in Bards’ blog about The Day After a Marathon.  Hah! And nobody thought I could figure this one out!

Am I a genius or what?

Botak Paa-tibayan Maze este Run

 First, my excuses:

1. I had a very bad case of diarrhea from (too much) eating seafood at the Mequeni restaurant in Holiday Inn Clark. (It was so bad that they refunded the bill). This was exactly one week before the Paa-Tibayan. Now that I think about it, my version should have a subtitle: Paa-tibayan (Ok ka ba Tyan?) I drank Gatorade in the gallons the whole week and so I thought I have successfully rehydrated myself. I also had generous helpings of lechon, crispy pata and sisig. They obviously didn’t help in the rehydration process but I won’t pass an opportunity to pig out on a very nice excuse of diarrhea. (Favorite line to wife: “Dear, kailangan kong bumawi sa nawalang sustansiya.”)

 2. The route had too many turns that I got confused: am I dizzy because of the diarrhea or because I’ve been running around in circles? That the marshals are less helpful than an MMDA enforcer during a heavy rain didn’t help either. The route in the original advice was different from the actual route that a lot of runners got confused. I saw one runner who went past the pasong tamo turn and I had to chase him to tell him his mistake. I caught him near the south super highway only to find out that he was not part of the run.

Now that my excuses are out of the way, I now declare that I had a bad run. I started to get the cramps on the 14 kilometer mark and I had to walk most of the way. Of course I ran the last 300 meters so it won’t be so embarrassing. I crossed the finish line running, with pa epek na hingal so nobody would know I was walking the last 7 kilometers or so. I finished at 2:19 by the timer displayed at the finish line, a full 9 minutes off my Condura run. I did manage to lop off another 4 minutes by just looking at the official results that came out. My official time was 2:15! Maybe I was very convincing with my strong finish that they decided to give me a 4 minute-bonus? Wow, these people are generous!

So now, if you ask me how I did, this is my standard answer:

My run results was at 2:15, my official time was at 2:19 but I believe the world is round and therefore I am.

There, I guess that eliminates any confusion on my time.